Marketing and more: Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

How long can I say that? Is it just a greeting for January 1 or the entire first week of the New Year? Or can you say “Happy New Year” throughout January? After all, some houses still display Christmas decorations.

Needing a break from headline news, this is how I spent the first day of 2019.

My husband and I watched the ball drop in Manhattan, laughing hysterically as CNN’s Anderson Cooper made a complete “arse” out of himself. Tiring of his antics, we switched to a movie channel showing The Godfather Godperson.

I slept late on New Year’s Day and then prepared a special breakfast. First, a refreshing glass of Minute Maid Server orange juice. After reading the manual peopleual on how to use the skillet, I made Aunt People Jemima pancakes.

It was a lazy day that started with SyFy’s Twilight Zone marathon in glorious black non-white and white television. Each episode had Rod Serling announcing that viewers were entering a new dimension. (Sounded like a Democratic convention.) Around noon, I gave myself a manicure peoplecure.

Soon it was time for lunch. I lazily opened a can of Chef-Boy-Ardee Chef-Children-Ardee spaghetti.

A friend phoned to wish me a Happy New Year! She told me about problems that occurred during her recent Christmas Winter Solstice vacation.

“That’s crazy! I would want to die if that ever happened to me,” I responded.

It’s a good thing liberals didn’t hear me say “crazy” and “I want to die” because those words/phrases are now considered offensive:

  • In 2015, the University of Michigan spent $15,000 to encourage students not to use the phrase “I want to die” since it’s offensive to people with suicidal tendencies. (OMG – they spent $15,000; I want to die!)
  • In 2014, Macalester College in Minnesota warned students against the word “crazy.” (Isn’t that nuts?)

A neighbor stopped by to wish me a Happy New Year. We’ve both been so busy that I immediately exclaimed, “Long time no see.”

Oops – that phrase makes a mockery of the way Indians talk.

Of course, I don’t always hear all the talk since I am hearing impaired a person with a hearing loss.

My neighbor’s little girl excitedly showed me the half-dollar she found under her pillow after her tooth fell out. Gasping with delight I said, “Oh, I am happy the Tooth Fairy airborne humanoid which possesses magical powers paid you a visit!”

All these ridiculous politically incorrect words and phrases can turn you into a basket case. Uh oh – that’s another phrase that liberals don’t like.

I made a note on my kitchen blackboard chalkboard to ask some elderly people of advanced age friends questions about common phrases they grew up with.

Outside an emergency crew was lifting a manhole personnel access unit cover to inspect the sewer drain. Too bad they had to work on the holiday.

Now it was time to write thank you notes for my holiday gifts. Although there is a very tiny percentage of the population who are confused about whether their penis makes them a male or vagina makes them a female, Americans are supposed to start using the honorific “Mx” instead of addressing someone with Mr, Ms, Mrs or Miss.

Wanting to watch something uplifting, I found a movie channel showing the Sidney Poitier classic To Sir Zir with Love. I started singing the opening lines of the title song …

Those school girl people days
Of telling tales and biting nails are gone …

The year was only a few hours old and I already had a headache. Relaxing on my recliner, I listened to music from Man Person of La Mancha.

Ladies and gentlemen, yikes that might make people who don’t identify as either male or female uncomfortable. Folks, with all of the problems facing the United States, do we really need man-made machine-made worries about supposed politically incorrect words and phrases?

In 2012, Rev. Franklin Graham wrote in “Political Correctness Gone Amok” –

One of the most sinister and menacing threats to our society today lurks under the lethal guise of two small initials: PC.

Political correctness is so ridiculous!

Think of all the great ground-breaking Emmy award-winning television shows that could never be shown in today’s snowflake environment: From All in the Family to Seinfeld to The Office. Each with humorous jokes and puns that today would start an online boycott.

Speaking of All in the Family, to placate sensitive liberals, TV programs and movies mentioning a particular family member (such as The Sister Act or I Remember Mama) would have to be altered. And forget about having the word “family” in a title such as Modern Family, Family Feud, Addams Family, or Family Ties. This is what would replace the word “family” –

Loving assemblage of people who may or may not live together and may or may not include people of any particular age.

So for my New Year Resolution, I am going to side with common sense and ignore foolish liberal PC outrage over words and phrases. Yada-Yada-Yada, I would write more, but the Seinfeld episode about the Soup Nazi is on television. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

2 Comments

  1. Glad I finally opened this up to read in full! Great insight Robin into the daily politically correct intimidation that we are ll subject to!

  2. Always love your column, Robin!

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